go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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