"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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