I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
