let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
