When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
