WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm too high and old for this...
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
