I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Randomize
