No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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