Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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