$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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