I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Dear god my vagina.
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