Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
