I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
The best revenge is premature balding
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize