he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
