well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
