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from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
