So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
