This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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