Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
