Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
