Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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