You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize