My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Randomize
