I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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