Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Randomize
