I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize