There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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