Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Everyone says I win the strip club
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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