he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
