between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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