Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
