Michael Bay diarrhea
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
