woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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