would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm way too hungover for life right now
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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