Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
