You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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