Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
