remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
