i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
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