Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
