ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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