I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
