Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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