2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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