atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
