She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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