friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
