So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
