Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize