I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
