What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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