I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
