farters have to be the big spoon...
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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