ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
