fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
