i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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