Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
