I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
