my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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