I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Randomize
