I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
dude i'm inner monologue high
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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