hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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