Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Randomize
