why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
