hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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