My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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