I think I won the penis lottery.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize