By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
