from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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