low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize