so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
