No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize