i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
