My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
