ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
