some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
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