i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
i think i just naturally attract stoners
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
