you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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