In America we eat man semen.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
