Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
