You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
PANTIES FOUND
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