I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Don't tell me you're on acid again
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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