I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
two words...techno handjob
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
