Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
