I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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