I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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