if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize