Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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