If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Little spoons don't ask big questions
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
