Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
