Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
The feeling are messing with the penis
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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