This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
