Your tits are I can't wait for
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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